I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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