Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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