Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
