So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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