Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
