I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
