Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
