I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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