Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
