If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
