I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
