I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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