If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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