Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
