he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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