i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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