I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
