Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
