Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
