Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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