You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
