Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
