i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Two words: nipple clamps
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