I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
and she was petting her beer can
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dignity is for republicans.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
