I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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