Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
