I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
