I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
