he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
