Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
