I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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