remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
