is your mom at the bar?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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