Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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