so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
