operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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