I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
