She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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