A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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