no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
