I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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