i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
