why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
