quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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