I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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