i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
