Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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