PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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