I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
