My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize