Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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