Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
